Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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