is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
