im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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