Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
