Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize