i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
