Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do herpes really smell.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
