He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
