I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
