I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
