I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
