The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
