I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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