How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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