speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
