I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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