Duck Duck Cougar?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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