dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
