Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
