if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I did not marry a roomba.
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