Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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