The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
