I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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