Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
