Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize