Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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