Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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