Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
