Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
