Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
