I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
