I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
should my penis look like a turkey
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
