So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
