i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
