We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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