it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
