Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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