i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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