So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
