she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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