i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
