My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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