He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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