so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
