I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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