people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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