I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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