we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
