Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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