Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
