Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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