I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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