Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My vagina just clenched in fear
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize