So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
