girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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