I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
