No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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