whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
