she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize