When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
