What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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