everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
