Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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