Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry about my life...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
