the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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