everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
