There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
