I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
