I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
