For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
