Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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