My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
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