it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she smelled like a LAN party
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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