My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
