i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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