Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
