Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
