I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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