just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
