Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i believe in u and ur pee
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
