white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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