We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
