haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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