maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
