hell yes lets make some ravioli
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
