btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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