Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
