i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
